Merunas Patumsis
Merunas Patumsis
Kildare, Ireland

First Course:
Galway, November 2010

A young, ambitious lad, full of great ideas and wishes to achieve his dreams, but afraid to take the next step, never the first, seldomly winning, left in the shadow by his own will... And all this just because of a little thing – his stammering...

That‘s how I saw myself a good few years ago. The incompetence that was constantly living with me I tried to compensate with other things – studies, sports, handcrafting etc, where I was quite successfull at. Despite this, the years in school and times during exams in college I can remember only through the feelings of embaressment, stress and continues dissapointment - dissapointment in myself. The moments of hopelessness were often guiding me through the choices I made in my life. Later on the understanding came that this must be just my way of living and little I can change there. I just accepted the reality. I had to accept it and live with it – I just did not see any other option. Little hopes I had when I heard about McGuire programme – “Ahh, just another one.“. Maybe that influeced my postponing and delaying the time to join it, until life pushed me into the corner and I decided to give it a go. Anyway – I have nothing else to lose, I thought. I found the course very interesting, and Voi-la! – it was working! Minute by minute, session by session, day by day my confidence was growing until I started to believe that there MAY BE another road than constant living with stress and disappointment. There was another life! The life of freedom, where you do not have to think about how to say a word before you say it! No changing words! No waiting for a ‘perfect’ time to say it! No choosing the ‘right’ situation! I don’t even have to wait for ‘a good day’ to come when my stammering wouldn’t be very severe so I could try to persuade myself that it is not influencing my life! It took time to digest fully what has happened after the first course and to prove myself that this is not just a temporary improvement. I received excellent endless support from the other members of the programme, coaches and regional director. Every phone call, every advice, every goal that was set to work on my speech and glorious satisfaction achieving it was a small brick to build my own castle of confidence and self realization, until I could fight the fear of speaking and negative feelings out of the occupied territory of my life! Yes, I still do have a stammer, but now I am the one who controls it instead of vice versa. Yes, I still can get an odd block or some turbulence when I get slightly sloppy in my speech, but now I know that if stammering will ever try again to take away my fluency, my confidence, even my dignity, it can never take away my diaphragm, which I learned plays the main role in my controlled way of speaking! What is more – I will always have my technique, my positive experience, the fantastic support that will lift me up again! Up to the perfect quality of life, the quality that I could only dream about when I was a child! Yes, I do have to learn so many things regarding communicating that are so common to others, but it is a thousand times better to feel like you are back in school rather than to drive on a back seat of a fancy car with no driver in it, and pretend that life is all safe and beautiful around you! No more illusions, just a real life with all its exciting challenges, offers, goals and dreams that can finally be fulfilled! When somebody asks me to describe my life now, the only way I could see it is like imagining two worlds, separated by a heavy tall wooden door, which was not easy to open, but every effort, every pain, every sweat drop was worth it a million times! And what a satisfaction afterwards!!! I am so glad I joined this programme and I am so thankful to everyone who guided me into this road of freedom!